Black Phone review: disapointing and boring

Just let it go to voicemail.

Horror is a delicate genre that has very quickly changed from mindless jumpscares to using fear to help revoke thought. Midsommar, Get Out and A Tale of Two Sisters to name a few. That being said, there is still a place for classic villain/crime horror. Freddie Kreuger, Jason Vorhees and Sadako are legendary villains in the horror space and Black Phone fails to even attempt to reach those same heights.

The premise Black Phone has so much potential for great storytelling. Based on a short story of the same name the main mechanic of the film is a black rotary phone that helps our kidnapped boy protagonist understand the situation he has now been thrown in which should be really cool… but it isn't.

My main issue with the film is everything seems too convenient and the story lacks a reason to even exist in the first place. Very early on it’s established that the main character’s younger sister has spooky powers but the powers are never explained and also do not follow any set rules. At the end of the movie it feels like her powers were a convenient cop-out for bad writing rather than a reason to move the story forward. Made even more redundant by the fact that the kidnapper leaves Black Balloons at the scene of every crime so should be easy to track. Why does he leave black balloons you ask? IT IS NEVER EXPLAINED WHY.

And that is the main crux of my issue with this film, there are so many elements that are never explained. Say what you want about the movie Split but at least we can leave with an understanding of why the main antagonist acts in the way he does and what his motivations are. In Black Phone the black balloons are never explained and, more importantly, the REASON why all these children are kidnapped is never explained. We have no insight into our villain which renders him a generic cheap impression of any other crazy dude from a movie.

Does he want to assault the children? Does he want to kill them? What led him to lead a life like this? All incredibly valid questions that any cromulent film would answer but this film simply does not. Considering how heavily advertised Ethan Hawke was for the film, he merely feels like a boring mechanic rather than a menacing terror the llikes of Heath ledgers Joker.

This movie ultimately falls flat of any potential it may have had. Yes the ending was fun but the build up to it felt hollow and unearned. A lack of actual characters and a cheap 'third eye' cop out ending left me feeling as if nothing was truly resolved in the film. There has been no character change in anyone aside from a poorly written generic father figure and maybe the boy is stronger now?

3/10 Don’t bother.